Superlative thought

Science, with a thousand triumphs to her credit, has not yet succeeded in discovering the correct reply for a young man to make who finds himself in the appalling position of being apologised to by a young pretty girl. If he says nothing, he seems very sullen and unforgiving. If he says anything, he makes a fool of himself.

- P.G Wodehouse

The Great Indian Shopkeeper

I was going to my ancestral place, Bhavnagar, some time back. For people who dont know, its in Saurashtra, Gujarat. I quite frankly admit that it is not the ideal place to have fun, hang out but i never said i went there to have fun. I went there just to meet my grandparents and relax for a while. Now when it comes to a city like Bhavnagar, the word 'relax' is significant. That is because there is nothing much to do out there apart from staying at home. Life there has a remote control where functions like slow-motion, pause dominate invariably.

Anyways, on my way there(i was in a bus), we halted at some dhaba. I was in some desperate need of a cold drink( considering the fact that we hadnt halted for like 3 hours or so) . So I quickly got down and went to buy one.

The shop was a small one with a huge signboard "Goods sold at MRP". The shopkeeper was stout, fat, perfectly bald as if you could light a matchstick by merely striking it on his head. Nevertheless, I went up to him and the following conversation took place:-
[ The conversation was in Gujarati, but since i want my blog to be "Nation" friendly, I'll convert it into Hindi]
Me:- "Boss, ek Thums Up dena". [Please note, "Boss" is a very apt term and a friendly way to address a person you dont know unless that person is a female, otherwise try it out]

Him:- "Kaunsa"?

Me:- "500 ml".
He drew it out from the refrigerator with great pride. I took hold of it only to find it warm.
I asked him eagerly and with anticipation,

Me:- "Thanda nahi hai?".

Him:- "Nahi".
This has been one of the few good qualities about our shopkeepers that i have admired and taken a note of. They talk in monosyllables just like James Bond. They mean business.

Inspired by his monosyllabic ways, I asked him,

Me:- "Kitna?"

Him:- "17". (not in english)
I glared at him. I had it at the back of my mind that the bottle would cost Rs 15. I checked the MRP. I was right.

Me:- "Ismein toh 15 likha hai?"

From here on, he spoke in such hardcore Gujarati, that it is difficult for me to translate. However, I being a Gujarati (not a hardcore one) , was able to make out that inflation and the dhaba being far away from the city were the primary reasons for the "inflation" in the price. I still found the reasons lame, but not wanting to continue to conversation further, I obliged.

I produced a 50 rupee note in front of him which he took with utmost disgrace and aggression. He gave me back 30. Along with that 30 rupees, there was a chcolate, neatly placed on top of the note, which made my mind ponder upon the question, "What is a chocolate doing on top of my Rs 30?" . Without complicating matters further, I promptly asked him,
Me:- "Yeh kya hai?"

Him:- "Chutta nahi hai."
Did he just compensate those Rs 3 with a chocolate??!!

I stood staring at him...

to be continued...

...continued

A new place, new time and completely different circumstances. My mind was at its best(i.e relaxing) during my encounter with the shopkeeper when i was on my way to Bhavnagar. However, presently, it was a different case altogether.

I was at the station returning back home after a gruelling end semester exam. Studies, as usual, had taken its toll both physically and mentally. I had to unwind. And what better way to unwind, at least for now, with a cool and refreshing Maaza!! I went to the typical station shop and asked for the drink.

Me:- "Boss, ek maaza dena."

Him:- " 22". (monosyllables, again)

I was waiting for him to give me the bottle when i realised he was expecting me to pay first and then he'd give me the bottle. Still not wanting to get into an argument with him and just wanting to get a move on in life(yeah the frustration due to studies), I produced a 50 rupee note in front of him.

Him:- " Do rupiya chutta do.

Again, like the last time, i din't have any. The next 'act' of his that was to follow was completely unexpected, unappreciated and bold. Please note here, i have used the word bold. Bold because i can cause some damage if i decide to get hold of somebody. Or rather i 'think' i can 'discipline' (im inspired by john abraham) someone on my day. He put the bottle where it was originally kept and i was not allowed to have that god- forsaken maaza.

One characteristic about these shopkeepers is that they ask for change even when they have 'em. What i fail to understand is what do they do with it ultimately!!

I was in the same position as Bertie Wooster(a character in books written by P G Wodehouse) generally is. Totally pissed off, frustrated still calm and helpless. Keeping my dignity and pride intact, just as i did the last time(did i?), I could have done many things and justice would have prevailed, but i let it pass.

A New Beginning

This is the day that i start the process of blogging. The previous article was a mere scribble as i wanted to kick off my 'campaign' as fast as i could. Pardon me for the delays that will occur between two consecutive posts but surely i have my reasons and i'll try to increase the frequency of my posts as time progresses.

Agatha Christie:- A Class Apart

The fact that her books have outsold each and every author(sans Shakespeare(obviously) and Bible(even more obvious), justifies the fact that she is undoubtedly the queen of English literature.
Her flamboyant writing, subtle use of words, yet simple English, has won hearts of millions of people around the world( uhhh, this sounds soo chiched!!).

She had mastered the art of story telling to an extent to which one simply cannot put her books down without finishing them at one go, else they lose their charm.

I, myself, was introduced to Agatha Christie by my brother when i was in Class 7. Fortunately or Unfortunately, he asked me to read a book titled "And then there were none"(or Ten little Indians).
Fortunately because that book changed my perception of mystery/crime novels. Explicitly, I was introduced to the world of crime and I gradually became interested in it.
And, unfortunately because I could not save the best for the last. huh.

Anyways, her poetical power is highly appreciable and praiseworthy. Characters like Hercule Poirot, Parker Pine, Miss Marple are the backbone of her novels without which the novels lose the intensity, drama and excitement(too many adjectives!!!)
[I personally prefer Hercule Poirot anyday if given a choice between the above three. I feel Poirot' stories are more "adventurous"].

Right from "The Mousetrap"(the longest running play in English history) to the masterpiece "Murder of Roger Ackroyd", Agatha Christie had proven that she is undisputed when it comes to writing mystery/crime and will continue to remian undisputed in the years to come.

[P.S:- After reading this, it is my humble request that you move your ass and pick up a Christie asap, otherwise believe me you are missing something big in life, mon ami.]

Finally Konnected!!

(whats up with this 'K' ,bollywood and ekta 'k'apoor?? i have never really understood the whole issue behind it and probably never will!)
To tell you the truth, i desperately wanted to open my blog account with something really grand, something out of the box, and quick.But somehow that "something" wasnt shaping up as i wanted it to(lol), so i'd rather start from something that is simple and a lot less complicated. and what better way to start off your innovative campaign than with a film review. sasta aur tikau.

The other day i had gone to watch a film titled "Kismet Konnection". The film's title connected my brain to two things:
1. the internet and i soon realised i had to start writing something for my blog, on the double.
2. the other,and the obvious one, ekta kapoor.not that i could do anything about the 2nd one, i could surely get a head start to the more creative of the two.

The movie was disappointing and so was the "much hyped shahid kapur-vidya balan on/off(take a pick) screen chemistry". The film failed to live upto its expectations even with the music of our plagarism expert none other than you know who. It gives nothing new to us, simply showing how a young and talented architect Raj(apna shahid) fails to get work just because he has run out of luck. Juhi Chawla(what was she thinking??) steps in, doing a short cameo in the film as a fortune teller, and indicates to Raj that his luck is about to change. No prizes for guessing(apni vidya,of course) who enters into his life to change his kismet. Then the ususal hindi bollywood masala goes on endlessly at a snails pace.

A dead story, a not so great performance by shahid especially after Jab We Met, and "plum pudding model(again apni vidya)", a perfect reciepe for well , a FLOP! With that story, the movie should have been over in exactly 45 mins(i timed it). As for the director, THINK before you make a movie!!

My verdict, dont waste your time on this shitload of nonsense.
It gets 1 and a half tequilla shots(no star,no dots,no hearts[lol,yeah right] etc.) on a scale of 5(10 wouldnt have been a bad option,though).

P.S:- The only saving grace, if any, of the film are the supporting actors.The 1 tequilla is due to them and the half for providing me the opportunity to have my popcorn and coke.